solitary walker(s)

Yesterday, Friday, my day off. Frivolously, I decided to go into New York for some recreation in the city.

The trip started out inauspiciously. No seats on the mid-day train, very crowded. I could have jammed in between other people, but I felt claustrophobic anyway. No, what I really felt was unassertive and less than 50% opaque. I didn’t want to ask anyone to move so I could sit down.

Standing up in the doorway vestibule of the train, I saw a post about the Newtown school shooting on my iPhone. It didn’t really register because there was no mention of fatalities at that point. Next time I looked at my phone I was shocked. My vague motivation to enjoy the city vanished. The city did not respond. The “Late Klee” exhibit doesn’t seem to exist in reality, only on the Met’s website. So I didn’t go in. Next stop was for lunch at a vegan restaurant called The Candle Café. The food was overpriced and tasty enough, but nothing special that I couldn’t have made at home for 1/5 the price. I tried to shop, at Grand Central Station, at “Sur la Table” and at Bryant Park, but nothing seemed appealing or important. Because I chose to walk south from 86th Street Station back to Grand Central, and because of the angle of the sun, much of my walk was directly into the glare of late sunlight.

A complete waste of time, but for this brief one-sided contact. For 10 blocks or more, I kept pace with a young girl. I mean really young, maybe 11 or 12? and small and thin for her age. I first noticed her because of untied bootlaces. Little black boots, coming up over her ankles. Both with heavy flopping bootlaces. Black and white geometric-print leggings, and maybe a skirt, but hard to tell since it was barely visible at the hem of her parka. Big dark parka, big green canvas backpack with industrial brown straps and buckles. Earbuds with thin red wires. Shoulder-length dark hair, straightened, brown skin. Pretty face, but with a relentlessly serious aspect.

This girl was the most determined walker I have ever matched steps with. I looked around for an adult companion but saw no one; she was alone. Well, I was with her, but she didn’t know that. I stayed just behind her, challenging myself to keep up. She walked fast, no one stepped on her bootlaces, she stopped obediently at traffic lights. Unbelievably she took the same turns that I took. She wove in and out of the holiday crowds without losing her stride. I lost her at Bryant Park. She kept going, while I turned in to “shop.”

I really wonder where she was going. I fantasized growing up safe and solitary and determined in the middle of New York City. She absolutely strengthened me.