Day of the Dead

This post is in honor of my mother and her sisters. The Walden women. They’re all gone now, my mom lived the longest and she died two years ago. When we were cleaning out her apartment, no one else wanted these framed photos so I took them. I don’t have them hung, but I like to take them out and look at them particularly at this time of year.

Isn’t this a beautiful photo. This is Shirley, known as Sis in the family. She was a lot older than the other girls. She had beautiful prematurely white hair. I identified with her as being the oldest and a girl. She had three children, and inspired me by living in Maine, although she lived in Missouri later in life. My sister made assembled the frame, ribbon, and medallion – unfortunately, one of the wings broke off.

Next frame:

The top photo is Gabriel (Gabe). Not the best photo. I think I should replace it with a view of her as a younger person. She had some type of mental illness and there were a lot of lies, and much family distress over her. My sister took on a lot of Gabe’s care at the end of her life, as they both lived in Maine. Gabe managed to work and support herself for many years even while dealing with her issues.

The middle photo is Carolyn (Carlou). She was developmentally disabled due to an issue at her birth. She lived with my grandmother until my grandmother died, then my mom took over her care and she moved in with my family of origin. It was a difficult time for Carlou, my mom already having a large family. I didn’t tease Carlou, but others did, and I feel guilty about not supporting her more. Eventually she moved into a group living situation where I think she was much happier.

The bottom photo is Sis again, a younger self.

Next frame:

Sandy (Cassandra) and Margaret. I just noticed Margaret had no nickname, although the rest of them did! Sandy also had a large family. Most of them live in Wisconsin. She died of dementia, a sad end for a vigorous woman.

The birth order was Sis, Mom, Carlou, Sandy, Gabe. I think Mom loved Sis the most – she called her her guardian angel and Sis helped her out a lot in life. Sandy was more rebellious. Their family life must have been difficult. Three boys were also born into the family, all of whom died young. Two were babies, and one died of juvenile diabetes. Then Carlou was born with a lot of problems and then … Gabe, with her worrisome behaviors. My grandfather Lloyd died young too, when my mom was 17.

The Walden women were mysterious, seemed strong because they had to be, and because their mom was, but there was brittleness there too. I heard very few stories about their growing up years. My mom was fond of telling stories about she and her dad raising chickens, an interest they shared.

My mom’s fondest wish was to have a large family of her own. It wasn’t until I was in my thirties (in therapy) that I realized my mom had created a family of 5 girls and 3 boys, just like her mom had. The last two of my mom’s, a boy and a girl, were adopted so it was sort of an intentional creation. My brothers survived childhood, my dad lived into his 80’s, and so much was different about my mom’s life and my grandmother’s. I am left with a lot of questions that will never be answered along the lines of karma and epigenetic inheritance. Neither of which I understand, but I believe those lives have to have left some traces. And really, that’s the way life is.

May they all rest in peace.