first consciousness of “Other” :
she went to public school but
you wouldn’t profile us as
different – no reason for it,
just a mindless feud from
nowhere with her and her
sister, dumb pranks like rinds
of watermelon in their mailbox –
I remember one surprising detail
fondly: she had golden eyes
One – I sat with the
kid no one else wanted
to sit with (although neither
of us enjoyed the edgy
company, at least we were
two, not one)
Two – years later I get
no special recognition for that
favor – I’m painted with a
general brush-off
Three – so what
(samsara waltz)
I listened to you the
first time and look where
I am now – if I’d
listened to you the second
time, where would I be
now? but speculation doesn’t figure
into time’s accounting, funny man,
your magnetism pulled me out
of Napa, deposited me behind
locked doors – no luck, latecomers
1969 – you, your twin sister
and your older sister, we all
endured 8th grade together,
you three (not me) with
bouffant hairdos, pouffy hair still
popular that year before the
center-parted long straight look arrived –
I only lived two miles
away, same class, same school,
same church, but different countries
realized fantasies in flights of
metal – copper, steel – I can
imagine you working over every
curve expressive – hammered, forged,
and oxidized by life, Hephaestus
come to sculpture late in years
I see you, lovely Irish
jacket, fragile skin, frail hair,
fingers wring from the accordion
Ravel’s “Pavane for Dead Infanta”
brother mountaineer – watching the clouds
assemble and dissipate, watching the
storms gather and fade, watching
the trail broaden and then
disappear – watching the sparrows from
your Vermont window, counting the
varieties of sparrow while your
own chickadees are at church
you are watching and waiting
to arrive at distant peaks
the luminous power of your
grin still reaches me from
the branches of past’s tree –
and there also your body,
in a brown and shaggy
sweater (never that much into
fashion) but flattered with
the rosy glow of then
fresh people meeting – only now
I’m ready to know you