first time I saw her –
black tank top and violet
drawstring pants, gardening in hot
dust outside the trailer on
the hill – later, inside, there
was a bowl of plums –
beginning of a relationship of
singular importance to me –
Cor Leonis, Queen of Amtrak, Grandma
Regula, source of shooting stars
my idealism met her and
remembered her not as a
person but as an ideal –
brown-eyed, long limbed just
like her familiar, belonged to
the savannah, but ventured into
areas of human habitation as
a helper, traveller, foreigner,
deer with not a moment’s fright –
this was my ideal (endangered)
marvelous opportunity – babysitters could step
majestically over the threshold into
other people’s homes, look in
their cupboards, fridges, medicine cabinets,
closets, drawers, wallow in this
dreadful curiosity without disturbing any
sanctities except for one – her
eye makeup – all while getting
paid and watching midnight snow
fall while the children slept
once I was a prisoner of religion
I saw devils making salutations to the sun
once I was a prisoner of my vows
I saw devils’ smiles in my grandkids’ faces
once I was a prisoner of my wheelchair
devils came to visit, fed me, clothed me,
kissed me tenderly
how many other people can
any one person care about
how many moms does it
take to stop gun violence
how many steps along the
beach will keep one healthy
how many miles before we
rest in peace perfected – answers
in the faded roadside flowers
hanging upside down to dry
all this she gave me –
Durga, Hard to Reach,
Mahakali, dark one,
Chandika, red-fanged killer,
Chamunda, stomach body
and then more she gave me –
Prajña, her instructions,
river and her yakshis,
Svayambhu and Kundali,
homa and the corpses,
androgynous Ardhanari
her rhythms were my lifebreath
her epic my survival
SVAHA
Devi, Yuganta Press
you are in heaven now
(or its Unitarian equivalent)
so I may be boldly intimate –
freshman roommates, we treated our
breasts differently, yours sheltered under
shoulders, tucked into demure brassiere,
mine flaunted, flagrant, flat and
free offenders – later, despite the
best attention, yours turned around
and killed you – sincerest sympathies