March 10, 2001
"To let each impression and each germ of a feeling come to completion wholly in itself, in the dark, in the inexpressible, the unconscious, beyond the reach of one's own intelligence and await with humility and patience the birth-hour of a new clarity."

Rainer Maria Rilke, Letters to a Young Poet

Dream images

Mugs

"...the Grail was variously described as a cup, a dish, a stone, or a jewel." page 8 , The Mystic Grail, John Matthews

Still looking for a container.

I thought these inns all had white mugs, pleasantly curved, heavy in the hand? This is what I expect.

Objects at Rowe Camp & Conference Center:
White mugs
Springs in the woods
The meditation chapel
Goddess statue -- you can climb into her lap
Pots and pans

I feel a big void, a mug void. I'm unfamiliar with this place. I don't know where they keep their dishware. I left my friend alone in the empty dining room. I'm hungry and thirsty. My dinner's getting cold. Agitated.

Why a quest?
Why a question?

"The marvellous Perceval has not yet learned not to ask questions ... Perceval's quest was to be a story of steps forward and backward, of turns and twists. " page 33

Okay, I'm not a victim. I just experience turns and twists. I react. Small stars of disaster are waiting behind each rock. I'm dying of thirst. I stumble into a snow cave. I climb out. I forget to drop breadcrumbs. I forget why I was supposed to drop breadcrumbs. I defend myself from wild animals attracted by my breadcrumbs.

I detach from my desire.

Okay, what are goals? Elaine once said "someday I'll learn to live a guilt-free life" -- someday I'll learn to live a goal-free life, a grail-free life. No quests, no questions. Zen-like. This way seems associated with humanity, awareness, and decent cooking. It seems so passive. Desire-free existence.

Okay, I just want two damn mugs, okay?

The Perfect Fool