I want to be enlightened. I want to be enlightened. My aspirations are tender, have a tendency to wither in this sandy soil, drown in this rain. I want I won’t, I want I won’t. My tendencies plum blossoms, Blossom like the plum. Year of no blossoms. Blair ate plums and broccoli, his first nutritious meal in a long time.
Tag Archives: liberation
Many Americans are beautiful and they have nice clothes but they are in the majority not enlightened.
No I am not under stress, not menopause or lupus, not gall bladder or any other pain—
I am livid with the unsatisfactoriness of it all. I wish
I have desires—well I would like to find out—before I die—
if liberation is really possible and in order to do that it appears that I have no choice except to sit and sit and sit and you see, I really don’t have time to sit especially because I can’t negotiate that with my boyfriend and I find it very embarrassing to be “sitting” in the house when someone wants me and before the house is clean and meals and water and the computer/sewing machines—
but—
why shouldn’t I SIT and
here is the alternative
forget about any liberation
until the next life and
there is no next life
and
I don’t believe in God either so I can’t pray for the resolve to make my “growth” possible.
I really don’t care to know about any purpose or meaning to life I believe in nothing I can point to that is self (right now I sit here writing what is that)
Encouraging words. Buddhist practice was not originally intended to start with meditation. It was to start with generosity practice/not harming other people. Also—if you can access silence, you have a large part of meditation down already. Maybe I am not so far away from liberation.
Demons into Allies—
| money | -> | beauty -> | clothes home |
| -> | sharing -> | Blair, Kiva? | |
| -> | saving -> | 401K, pay off debts |
| impatience resentment |
-> | my koan. My obvious opportunity to yearn for liberation |
Buddhism really figures in here.
| my passivity at work |
-> | don’t get involved in tempests, gossip. Step up to motivation. Spend time with the winners. |
| two days a week at home |
-> | Discipline. Housework? Chores calling me? Exercise? Errands? I don’t think I can work 8 hours at home. Maybe that’s not the point. |
| Creative time | -> | most rewarding projects have been in fragments. |
Sam deserts me often in the evening, sleeping. I can do a lot with a short period of time every day. The daily effort is my ally. I fritter away time on Tues and Thurs, flounder.
I know I’m going to do this.
I am afraid.