loudgirl

into the wind

photo by DiBella

overdue cheesecake

A miscellaneous phrase. They come up sometimes. We used to make fun of Gary Brown's module history. FUNDAMENTAL CHEESE-AHOLIC. I still have Gary Brown's module history. Somewhere. I can't put my hands on it that quickly.

The latest issue of Jubilat publishes the "Index of First Lines From An Anthology of New York Poets." It's "by" Ron Padgett and David Shapiro. I find it very entertaining, giddily humorous, loaded with synchronicities, and working at the bizarre edge of meaning. Love it. It's also oddly freeing--you feel like you ought to turn to the poem and dutifully read it, but you can't because there are no page numbers, and guess what, no poems.

Sample, the last half of the A's:

As I was walking home just now, from seeing
A stray deer,
Astronaut Jim Lovell
At 14th Street and First Avenue
At last you are tired of being single
At that instant there came a crash more terrific
At the bonfire
At the kitchen table with Mrs. Hartman
At the little window is the tiny hand
Autumn is very wild through
a white sheet of paper

I thought maybe I could use the college alumni magazine to come up with some found poetry. There's a lot you can do. Such as using the resources at your disposal.

I feel sorry that I made fun of Gary Brown's module history. I apologize. I never got to know Gary Brown. He seemed wacky, suspect, a little elfin, and possibly ill, but maybe he was just afflicted with poetry (84/12/18 BORN YEARNER).

84/12/03 WHO GETS EATEN AND WHO GETS TO EAT
84/12/03 MATH, ENGLISH, SOCIAL STUDIES, SCIENCE
84/12/04 SAVE THE PROGRAMS
...
84/12/05 ORE OR ARE EAR
84/12/05 NEVER SAY LAST COMPILE AGAIN
84/12/05 DOG IS
...
84/12/07 NIPPLE NIANTIC
84/12/07 NIPPLE NAPALM
84/12/07 LEVER WORKS LTD.
...
84/12/13 NASAL MUCOUS
84/12/13 BLOW N OSE
84/12/13 GO TO GHOST
...
84/12/14 SPHINCTER MIX
84/12/14 NOCTURNAL LOVER
84/12/14 GATOR AID
...
84/12/17 ADD DELETE LOGIC
84/12/18 VIADUCT
84/12/18 A NORMAL ATTRIBUTE
...
84/02/11 ONE FOR GARY (this one by M. TOBIN who took over the program)

lots of color

decluttering

Why would you want a calendar

right at the top left showing

how many days a month you HADN'T written

so down it comes

and so does the photo

of a farm girl yelling

as far as recent entries

for their marquis effect

they can stay

and the MSS is just

something I like to rub my thumb on

splotch woman

heh

sound of laughing at joke on myself

after complaining so much about blogging in my last entry
my whole site went down for four days
forgot to renew my domain name (DOH)
then had to wait for it to propagate

did I miss my website
well yes
but more, my email

m(e)ss

There is a lot of negativity in my head. My mind is a negative, white on black. There is a lot of negativity surrounding this blog for me.
Don't like the word "blog."
Don't like the dog-piss-stained carpeting in this computer room.
Don't like the feeling of the edge of this computer desk on my forearms.
Don't like the rickety metallic spronging sound of the backrest of this ancient junkety office chair.
Don't like the colors in this computer room, general hardware beige and hysterical mixed woodgrains.
Don't like being surrounded by the clutter of cds and hardware and pieces of hardware, three partially working computers, two partially working printers, one downright not working computer, one downright busted printer.
Don't like competing for time online with other people.
Don't like the need to manufacture HTML links. Goddamnit.
Don't like the way this Macintosh operates. It's a hassle using this mouse. Nothing seems easy.
Don't like the pressure of feeling I need to attribute everything properly.
Don't like the pressure of feeling I need to spell everything properly.
Don't like feeling like I'm sponging off other people's language by quoting.
Don't like really knowing whether this blog is public or private.
Don't like not feeling easily conversant in MT, not to mention HTML.
Don't like comment spam.
Don't like not feeling easily conversant with the server, file names, locations, and tools to view them on the Macintosh.
Don't want to learn. Takes up time and doesn't stick. Lonely.
Don't like the boring front page of this site. BORING. And ugly.
Don't like being reminded that my digital camera was stolen.
Don't like being reminded that I'm low on funds and won't spend money on a new camera, computer, software, DSL, wireless networking, or any other electronic luxury right now.
Don't like thinking that there are people who don't even have enough money to even want a camera, computer, software, DSL or anything else I mentioned.
Don't like feeling on display, it affects my fluency.
Don't like feeling trendy.
Don't like the sensation of competition for readership.
Don't like being part of something that has a name like the "blogosphere."
Don't like resisting belonging to a real sangha of bloggers.
Don't like this place being so fragmentary and unconstructed all the time.
Don't like the haphazard nature of posting; prefer every day or nothing.
Don't like the past.
Don't like the present.
Don't like the future.

I want to Make Something, but maybe it's not this.

***

I've been on a book buying spree. Something that happens every so often to me.

I bought two books of poetry today.
Harryette Mullen, "Sleeping with the Dictionary"
Philip Levine, "What Work Is"

They both have shiny seals on the front.
National Book Award Finalist (silver) and
National Book Award Winner (gold).

Tuesday I bought two books for my son to read over summer vacation.
Norman Maclean, "A River Runs Through It"
Ernest Hemingway, "For Whom The Bell Tolls"

AND my favoritest of all purchases, I bought BELLES LETTRES, Manuscripts by the Masters of French Literature, a $60 coffee table book for $5.99 with lovely line art on the cover featuring a self portrait of Jean Cocteau inking out a real frog onto his smudged manuscript page. The cover art also has a small seal in red that stands out amongst the black and white scribbles. It says "Nationale Biblioth" surrounding "MSS" and it reminds me of a Kiss.

Change is in the air. The hot July of devotion. Maybe it's time to refocus on handwriting. HANDWRITING